An action-packed day in Hopkins Landing

from the Coast Independent - October 1, 2000
by Andy Jukes [reproduced here by permission]

One of the latest entries in the reality-TV sweepstakes is a show called Hopkins 24-7, which details the gripping day-to-day existence of the doctors, nurses and patients at Johns Hopkins Medical Centre. And it certainly is action-packed stuff, at least the single episode that I saw.

We're not really that interested in the show, but the title itself has become something of a standing joke around our house because we live in Hopkins Landing, and we've been spinning out endless scenarios about how a documentary on a day in the life of our neighbourhood might transpire...

9:00 a.m. Dog, tentatively identified as "Cooper," decides to take a nap in middle of road.

9:45 a.m. Cooper forced to move as car comes down road.

10:00 a.m. Neighbours take first walk of the day. To be repeated at three-hour intervals, possibly all night long.

10:30 a.m. Bewildered German tourists, thinking they can walk from Langdale ferry to Lower Gibsons, stroll through neighbourhood, plaintively asking where all the stores are. Local resident takes pity on them, drives them to Molly's Reach.

11:00 a.m. High drama as large truck delivering building supplies can't find anywhere to turn around. Truck eventually backs all the way out of neighbourhood. Local residents gather to watch.

11:30 a.m. Gibsons restaurant owner observed fishing off Hopkins Government Wharf. Here's hoping he doesn't actually feed what he catches to unsuspecting patrons.

12:00 noon. Traffic jam as two cars meet at intersection of Point and Hopkins Roads. One car backs up. Traffic jam solved.

12:30 p.m. Wind carries faint sound of brass band music from Salvation Army camp.

1:00 p.m. Several sport utility vehicles parked on Hopkins Road, directly under "No Parking" signs.

1:30 p.m. Kids observed jumping off wharf. People observed water-skiing. Don't they realize it's autumn !?

2:00 p.m. Ferry terminal announcer's voice sounds exactly like adults in Charlie Brown cartoons - a trombone-like noise that sounds imperative but is totally unintelligible.

2:30 p.m. Departing ferry toots horn several times but no small craft appear to be nearby. Perhaps captain just enjoys tooting horn.

3:00 p.m. Cat runs across road.

3:30 p.m. Local flock of crows is suddenly in an uproar. No apparent reason.

4:00 p.m. One small sandal is added to accumulating pile of miscellaneous abandoned clothing at head of government wharf.

4:15 p.m. Second ferry - clearly not the Queen of Surrey - is observed pulling up to Langdale terminal. Local ferry watchers are enthralled.

4:30 p.m. Small fat dog safely ensconced behind fence is heard to make threatening noises, implying that it would rip out throats of passers-by if it weren't behind fence. Passers-by find this highly doubtful.

5:00 p.m. Two black goats observed trotting down Point Road. This is a mystery worthy of Sherlock Holmes, and will surely provide many years of conversation to local residents.

5:15 p.m. Mr. Skea goes running with his dog, a rather intimidating boxer. Assures all who cross their path that dog will not eat them, as "he's already had his dinner."

5:30 p.m. Neighbours abuzz as "For Sale" sign goes up in front of house.

6:00 p.m. House sells. New owners are welcomed warmly by all.

6:30 p.m. Gridlock as commuters come off ferry. Two bicycles, four cars, eight pedestrians. Oh, the chaos!

7:00 p.m. Fuel barge arrives to re-stock Esso depot. Low-level hum pervades neighbourhood for the next several hours.

7:30 p.m. Small white dog, believed to be named "Inuk," makes his rounds, peeing on every available vertical object in the neighbourhood.

8:00 p.m. Street clogged with as many as seven people as neighbourhood takes a collective post-dinner constitutional.

8:30 p.m. Documentary crew throws up its hand in despair, departs to find more interesting neighbourhood. What, didn't they see the goats?